Haven't posted a poem in awhile, this one is from my Poetry Final for Creative Writing this past semester. Was partly inspired by a poem by Federico Lorca and watching El Espinazo del diablo (The Devil's Backbone), a movie by Guillermo del Toro, same guy who made El Laberinto del fauno (Pan's Labyrinth).
carbon mimeograph
the dark root of the word scream
starts at the base of the spine,
the devil’s spiny backbone burning,
rasping its way towards the
proper functions of tongue, lips
and throat.
clawing at this cage of bone
that binds the emotions, and stops
up the holes with flesh,
the only form of knowledge coming from
men of world tongues, old tongues, plucking
verbs like grapes from the vine.
those reusable plaster cast postulates,
insignias of other mouths.
vocals suffocated, feet dangling
sliding into the dark embrace of
silence.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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Hello!
It was nicely written, although, the title isn't really explained. Perhaps you could have more on the fact that a mimeograph reproduces these dark words.
Plucking should be on the next line, it flows better that way.
men of world tongues, old tongues,
plucking verbs like grapes from the vine.
Best of luck,
MM
I like this piece, very creepy. Your imagery is strong and powerful which builds up the atmosphere and the short lines really add to it, especially at the end. I couldn't actually find anything I disliked with this poem, though the lack of capitals were a slight irritation but that's just me. Keep up the good work!
It's nicely written, it really does create a dark feeling and dark imagery. In the first stanza you have a really good rhythm - I'm not sure if it is or isn't intentional, I would think it is. The seven syllable lines work well, any reason for seven? The final line, in the first stanza, is effective because it is so abrupt.
In the second stanza you don't have any rhythm which I don't think works as well as the first stanza. I like the cage of bone, holes with flesh description. Very powerful.
Ending is strong and you end well, like you do on in the first stanza. The one word line is good here.
One question, it's not really worth mentioning, but is the lack of capitals intentional? Since it was for Poetry Final I suppose it would be. What did you intend for the lack of punctuation to convey?